I am listening

"I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care."

Listening is not enough.You must convince your counterpart you are listening. No matter how much attention you are paying.

Listening is far more than capturing information. Listening demonstrates curiosity, respect and care. It establishes a constructive environment where you can address the issue together.

Always prove to your counterpart that you are truly listening:

1. Listen. Unless you really listen, you are lying. 

2. Focus. Look at him. Don´t do anything else. 

3. Be quiet. Let him finish. Don’t interrupt. 

4. Encourage. Nod, respond, hmm. 

5. Summarize. Play back his essential point.  

6. Check. Ask him if you got his point, and let him correct you. 

7. Validate. Acknowledge that he has a point.  

8. Inquire. Ask him what he would like from you.

A Cup of Tea

Nan-in, a Japanese master meat a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea to the professor. He poured his visitor's cup full of tea, and then kept on pouring on the cup.

The professor was watching the unusual activity, after a while he no longer could restrain himself. Professor said : "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"